He beat me to it.

For months now, I have been thinking that I was going to start getting about weaning D once he turned a year old. Visions of cute shirts, nights away, and being able to take pills without worrying about passing them to D through my milk danced through my head. But then, as his birthday got closer, I started second guessing that decision. For the most part nursing was really rewarding.  We were down to just four nursing sessions a day--once when he woke up, right before his morning and afternoon nap, and then again, at bedtime.  More importantly, they were so sweet and pleasant--and the only real alone time I got to spend with my little one. While, in the past, D used to start to drift off when he was down eating, more recently, at the end of a meal he would pop off and look up at me with the biggest smile on his face as if he was saying "Thanks Mama!".   We also had quite a few giggling sessions during this time. Sometimes I would think of something funny that had happened earlier and smile, other times, D's wandering hand would make me laugh as it grabbed at my mouth, hair, eye, whatever.  In both cases my laughter would cause D to start to laughing  and try to eat at the same time, which was such a funny sight that I would start cracking up. My attempts to refrain from laughing only made everything seem funnier, which led to more laughter until both of us were cracking up.  

So, on Friday when D started to bite me instead of eating, I was irritated but not overly concerned. He had bitten me before in the experimental ways that babies often do. But on Saturday when he refused to nurse in the morning and then the afternoon, I got more and more upset.   I have to admit his adamant Mr Cranky Pants refusals at the mere suggestion of nursing hurt my feelings.  What had changed so quickly?  Why did he not want to spend that special time with me anymore?  Of course, there are abundant theories from the experts about what may cause a nursing strike.  Apparently most babies wean more gradually, but as Dave pointed out, D hasn't done anything slowly to date.   Because he is a already a year old, I am conflicted about to do--accept it or try to fight it?  Perhaps I should just consider myself lucky that I won't have to go through the difficulty of weaning an unwilling participant.   It seems my other options are to keep shoving my boob in his face or try holding off on giving him other food until he is willing to nurse again.  The more I ponder it though, I am coming to the conclusion that this is yet another case where I don't really get to call the shots.   Just because I am his mama doesn't mean I get to make all the decisions.   I can suggest, cajole, and provide some rather limited options, but ultimately I suppose, D  is in charge of what he eats and how he does it.   And really, whenever nursing is over I will have bittersweet feelings whether it was this weekend or in a few months.