Practice for my new gig

As my last day of work looms luminously tomorrow, I am considering my options. I have always loved photography and am seriously wondering if I have what it takes.

Oh, man do I love Blogger and my family

Check us out! It was a surprise weekend full of fun and lots of love.

Um, like father, like son? Hand sucking is Mizz's standard coping mechanism, I'm not sure what's going on with Dave. Too much fun the day before?

My child, a red blooded American. Strapped into highchair, on a bed, eating, watching coverage of VALENTINE DAY STORM 2007! He wasn't impressed.

My declaration of blogger love in the title stems from all the changes in the new version. It seems rare that a good product ever changes for the better, but somehow blogger has defied the odds. This blog site is so easy to use, any schmo can use it. Sweet!

Oscar Madness

We had a Oscar watching party yesterday. To accommodate the occasion, we moved the TV down into the living room and I have to say, it is somewhat tempting to keep it down there permanently. In true Franny form, I had put on an Oscar the grouch tee shirt that morning without realizing the coincidence, until I walked downstairs and Dave pointed it out. So, I was dressed in my finest without even trying really. And, it was fun despite the broadcast which was profoundly boring IMHO. After many constructive comments to the TV, Dave suggested I see if the Academy is hiring part time so I could help out next year.

Recap from a recent email to my playgroup

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and concern about Mizz. The ear tube surgery went well as far as I can tell although they somehow messed up his ability to fall asleep on his own. He appears to be pretty terrified of being put into the crib right now which is so unlike him. Maybe now is the time to consider converting it into a toddler bed... Before the surgery I was pretty sure Mizz was going to sleep in it well past his 2 year birthday because he loved it so much. But maybe this is a phase. Or maybe the surgery was really scary and having woken up after anethesia once and being completely disoriented, falling asleep now is scary unless he is in our arms. Who knows, like everything else, we'll have to wait and see.

So, it is 90% likely we'll be there tomorrow, unless his sleep is really screwy tonight. I like the idea of a Mizz forecast (early morning nap 50% chance, with a 90% chance of severe frustration the late afternoon):)

Mizz gets Bionic

Mizz got ear tubes today and it went well. The hospital staff were really caring and competent seeming. The procedure was quick and Mizz finally has fluid free ears. He was pretty upset after waking up from the anesthesia. I would imagine hunger, tiredness, soreness, and disorientation being the major players in his distress. Now 6 hours laters with some food in his belly and a small but hopefully useful nap, he is having a great time tearing apart the house. Have I bought stock in Fisher Price? Because I should. Right now he is shrieking with delight at his kitchen, balls, and alphabet magnets in no particular order. It seems surreal to me that he can have general anesthesia and then come home and be acting like nothing has happened. Go Mizz and modern medicine.

I can't stand spelling mistakes

I meant aesthetically not ascetically in the posting from a couple days ago. Mea culpa.

Bragging Time

Enough with confessions, it's bragging time. One of the best experiences I have had recently, is returning to work after a week and a half vacation (with only three days left to work) and having my boss ask if I had changed my mind. I have had so many people express their sadness about my leaving and ask me to reconsider... It's nice to know I'll be missed.

And I am going to miss them. I have spent this week and a good chunk of the week before being sad about leaving. I realize that I quit, but in many ways I feel like I had no choice because the conditions at my workplace had become so difficult. I am sad about leaving my coworkers (the few that are left), I am sad about saying goodbye to many of my clients, and I am sad because I am leaving community mental health at a time when it desperately needs skilled and caring clinicians. Still, social workers are notoriously bad at taking care of themselves and I do not want to go down that road. So. I will use this next month as a time to reflect about what I want in a job and research how to get it. The last year has been very hard, but I have developed a great deal of clarity about beliefs about the therapeutic process and finally (3 years post school) feel solid in my theory and skills as a therapist. So whoever said adversity is good (or whatever it was) was right.

I realize this doen't seem to have much to do with Mizz. But it does really, because I can't unconnect my experiences as a mother with whom I am professionally and more concretely what I want from a job (ie part time hours, reasonable expectations surrounding my personal safety, convenient location, lunch money, etc.). If I can figure all this out, I just might write a book about it.

True confession #900

I ate ice cream for dinner last night. It was cookie dough. I just realized that this followed up the two batches of brownies I made earlier in the day. I might have a problem. Or not. My rationale of eating what I want has been working for me and I'm gonna stick with it.

We're back!

Despite ourselves and not one but TWO missed planes, we are back and settled into our routines again. Despite having a great time with family, it is still really nice to be home in our stead and our own little unit again. Reinvigorated, I have been extra productive lately. I reorganized a massively unorganized kitchen cabinet. It is crazy really but after a year or so of sheer chaos where anything went really, the house is better organized now than it has ever been. Perhaps I am simply sick of the mess. I think the real answer though, is as a mom it simply makes sense to be organized--to know where everything is and have things as ascetically pleasing as possibly. I can't get anywhere on time but gosh darn it, my house is gonna be neat. This must be nesting stage 2. God help Dave when I become pregnant again. I am already threatening him with paint chips.

In a similar vein, yesterday we got our alarm system installed. The mama bear in me is super happy because there are many kid friendly aspects to the system. The chime feature will alert me to when any outside door is open. There is an additional fire alarm that goes straight to the fire people (hopefully not the fisher price ones). And best of all, I can stop laying awake at nights imagining people breaking in and stealing my sweetheart. While this isn't a nightly ritual, I have to admit my imagination kicks in big time when Dave travels. More pragmatically, meth users are less likely to break into our house while we are gone, which is cool too.

We got the couches clean today and from what I can tell at this point, they look and smell great. Yey.

And the best part of all? Mizz has been awesome through all of this. It seems that over night he has gone from being kinda babyish still to being a full fleged, super curious, and super happy little kid. It really blew me away how he handled the five airport, four planes, countless car rides, and different people and situations all vying for his attention. Go Mizz!

True Confession

I loved the sweater vest ensemble so much I made Mizz wear it two days in a row. He is now my little preppy and I am already envisioning a sweater vest for every day of the week. I even saw little old school saddle shoes at the mall, although I think Dave would divorce me on the grounds of insanity...and I'd lose custody on the grounds of being an unfit mother.

Of Sweater Vests and Little Men

The transformation to the dark side is complete. Mizz is dressed to the nines today in a sweater vest, oxford shirt, and khakis. It is 100 percent adorable. The outfit was actually a present from his grandparents but I requested it. I remember swearing that I would never dress him up like a little man, because he was a baby, and now he is a toddler. But it is so cute.

Mizz continues to learn his letters. He is reliably identifying M and X. He sometimes can find A, T, and S although there is a higher error rate with these. His grandparents also got him the Leapfrog fridge phonics and he loves it. I can now recite the alphabet with the best of them. I also had fun making alphabet shapes with my body after a particularly strong margarita. Which reminds me, Mizz and my cousins recenly got down in the bar of a mexican restaurant...doing the ring around the rosy. Mizz loves it and I have no shame. In fact my assertiveness level has increased markedly since having Mizz due mostly to the mama bear juice I think. I demanded (0k asked) to board early even after the not helpful Delta people stated that there would be no preboarding. Later, I asked for a voided gift card that had a certain little girl's name on it (I can't wait to put it in the mail). It simply comes down to the fact that I have no qualms about asking for what my little cherub (or at times, destructor) needs. Ok must go get makeup advice from my 14 year old cousin.

Meta blog analysis

God, I am such a nerd. I have begun reading about blogging and now I am writing about blogging. I became really depressed recently when I read a heated debate on Babble about the hipper than thou, ironic, wry wit of many modern mom bloggers. The description sounded way too familiar and I realized that (gasp) I am a product of my generation. I don't know why that should bother me so much; after all, how could I not be? But the very essence of me and many of my ilk is the tendency to question everything and not buy into trends. So to recognize that I had somehow absorbed the voice of many others was pretty disappointing. I agree with Babble about the reason for the voice. It is simply way easier to write funny stories about your child (especially about poop-- just the word makes me smile) than it is to put down on paper, or in type, about the fears, stress, and love that is at times -- pretty darn overwhelming, at least to me. Everyday I am struck with a feeling of such joy and huge love for Mizz. Almost as often though, I experience intense feelings related to the inherent vulnerability of all things human. At those times, I take a deep breath and focus on the huge capacity for resilience and simply cling to the faith that most of the time things turn out just fine. Unfortunately being real often sounds way too cliche.

Snowed in!

Mizz gets to experience a real Northeast storm complete with below freezing temps, snow, and ice and that blissful feeling of being trapped inside a house all day. Actually, Mizz is having a great time--we are staying with my Grandma and Aunt and Uncle's. They have a huge house with lots of things to check out. We have been eating well and staying up late. Dave and I are weary from all the corralling. Luckily everyone is in love with him and so we have many extra hands to help out. Mizz has amazed everyone with his ability to identify every lightbulb and fan in the house and how it turns on. In anticipation of the storm, Dave, Mizz, and I set out relatively early this morning to take Mizz to a play area so he could run around unfettered. On the way there he fell asleep (what's new?) and so we took a trip down my memory lane. We toured my old neighborhood which of course blew me away with its size. I remember the trek to the bus stop as much longer... While I could not help feeling some sadness in remembering my mom, I was struck by how many happy memories I have of my childhood and the really strong feeling of nostalgia for a place that at one point was way too surburban for my taste. It seems there are many possible explanations for this change of heart. As I have gotten older, my ideas about time and distance have changed. Also, the area has been built up considerably since I lived there. And finally, most dramatically, my priorities have shifted in the classic way since having a child. I am no longer as interested in being able to slog my way home from a local bar and more interested in what the schools are like and whether or not we can fit all of our crap into a space that will feel comfortable to our family unit. Aside from horrendous traffic and very busy people, suburban MD is a really good place to raise a family. Especially since I have such great family there. So of course, I can't help but wonder what our life would be like here.

Repeat after me...

I need to get a grip. I must have drank too much of the mama bear juice this morning. As Mizz and I were walking, I found myself considering what I would do if a dog attacked Mizz. I got pretty freaking graphic in my head before I realized that this line of thinking wasn't the healthiest or most productive use of the walk. Later on though, I saw a school bus and almost had a heart attack as I pictured my little boy riding the bus (unrestrained!) and going somewhere way too big and scary by himself. OK, F, breathe. Like I said, I need to get a grip. But sharing these concerns by writing and talking about them helps.

And aside from my usual anxiety, we had a great day. It was beautiful weather and we played like two toddlers on the playground. Luckily for Mizz I don't mind looking like an idiot on the playground. So we played hide and seek, with Mizz hiding and me pretending I couldn't find him and went up and down the slides 100 times. This was my way of paying him back for dragging him to the grocery store, post office, Michael's, and Cascadia yesterday.

Being a parent rocks

Dave and I can legitimately lay around on the kitchen/dining room floor and play air hockey. Mind you there is no need for an expensive, space taking up air hockey table. In fact, all you need is a pergo floor and those ubiquitous and cheap fisher price stacking rings. We have two sets for just these sorts of contests. It was very fun and I won. Now where is that child of ours???

Weekend Memories

Once again I am exhausted because of another great weekend. In addition to restoring order in the universe (our house, I mean) and further child proofing, Mizz and I crashed an awesome play date on Saturday. This woman's house rocked! There were many great toys to play with and a Tiny Tikes toy structure complete with a slide. Man it was cute to see maybe six toddlers or so lining up to go down the slide. It really is a great age to get that many kids together, there is not that much talking yet and they are not super into the MINE! stage either. At one point five of them were nicely sharing a wooden shape puzzle. Adorable! I will have to try to acquire some of the pics.

On Sunday, Dave and I conned, I mean paid, another person to take charge of Mizz for awhile and we hit the town. It was a wonderfully sunny, warm February day so we used the opportunity to cruise Hawthorne like we used to (minus the pints of Beer). Actually we did have a pint and some pretty darn good Lebanese food. I was in adult heaven eating an unrushed Mezza plate and sipping a Hefeweizen. After some perusing of the vintage shops (we are in need of a light to replace the one that Mizz felled in the living room), we took Coldstone Creamery by storm. Although, I think Coldstone may have won out because they got nine of our dollars and I ended up eating way too much ice cream despite the fact that I ordered a small. Who are they kiddling. Although, to be fair, I suppose I could have stopped eating.

Mizz is asleep, and I suppose I should go use this opportunity to do something useful. I think useful is going to be in the form of a nap today.

The first day of the rest of my life

I could have spent hours thinking up some smart title to this post, but the one posted works ok and is pretty decent at capturing the sense of wild excitement I been keeping somewhat at bay all day. How's that for a mouthful? In a more succinct sentence: I quit my job! Hallelujah! I can't believe how easy it was and how amazingly relieved I feel. Moreover, Mizzy deserves a happy mama. I am of course nervous about the financial ramifications, but am optimistic that Dave and I can work together to come up with a reasonable plan. There is really too much minutiae about the situation for me to describe here, but feel free to ask me about my quitting! I'd love to share!